Tuesday, November 07, 2006

Honest Friend or Vicious Bitch?

So, the question was, what do you consider important traits in a friend?

my answers were:

1.) Kindness. Mean, rude behavior I’ve got no time for.
2.) Truthfulness, BUT this doesn’t mean it’s okay to be a total B**** and pretend you’re just trying to be honest.
3.) Knows how to keep a secret. My privacy is very important to me. If I tell someone intimate details of my life, and then they turn around and tell everyone…bye-bye.
4.) Understands that life can get busy. While I’ll always be there when needed, I won’t be in their face every waking moment.

However, this topic got me to thinking--that's always scary--and while I do agree that honesty in a friendship is vital, I also think it's important to keep it nice. Everyone is always saying that honesty is best. After all, no one wants their friends to lie to them, just to spare their feelings. But, when honesty is only a clever way of putting you down, making you feel like you can't do anything right, or has you second guessing yourself every time you open your mouth, then that's not honesty, that's viciousness.

I've learned real quick who my friends are and who aren't my friends. I’m very cautious about who I make friends with these days, and even more careful about who I share my confidences with. Friends who get off on 'honesty' will shake your self-confidence and make you think it's your fault, because you just can't handle the truth...

So, speaking from experience here, I say this: If you have a friend who does this to you, then pats you on the back and says, "oh gee, i didn't mean to hurt your feelings, I guess I was just trying to be honest"...Dump them fast!! They are using the word 'honesty' just to be cruel to you. You don't deserve it!

my two cents on Honesty vs Viciousness.


  1. I agree that some people use their "honesty" to put you down. But that's not true honesty. For me, an honest criticism is always accompany by comments on how to do things better. If someone is really your friend, that person wants what's best for you and wants to see you succeed.

  2. I SO agree Tempest! Good point. :-)

    I said that, I do agree that honesty in a friendship is vital, but I also think it's important to keep it nice. However, you saying that it should be backed by comments on how to do it better, that's what my husband does. I know that he'll always be honest with me, but he doesn't just 'put me down'. He let's me know what he thinks, and IF I'm interested he'll tell me what I should do instead...

  3. I totally agree. Of course you don't want friends to lie to you, but you alway want them to respect your feelings. I like what Tempest said as well. Great post, Anne.

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  5. Oh I totally agree with what you wrote in your post...its one thing to be honest with your friend but it's one way to make you friend feel like crap with your honesty...just because you're being honest doesn't mean you have to forget the other rules for being a good friend.

    A good friend is someone who will be straight with you about anything and still be able to give you a hug and help you work through your problems.

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