So, the question was, what do you consider important traits in a friend?
my answers were:
1.) Kindness. Mean, rude behavior I’ve got no time for.
2.) Truthfulness, BUT this doesn’t mean it’s okay to be a total B**** and pretend you’re just trying to be honest.
3.) Knows how to keep a secret. My privacy is very important to me. If I tell someone intimate details of my life, and then they turn around and tell everyone…bye-bye.
4.) Understands that life can get busy. While I’ll always be there when needed, I won’t be in their face every waking moment.
However, this topic got me to thinking--that's always scary--and while I do agree that honesty in a friendship is vital, I also think it's important to keep it nice. Everyone is always saying that honesty is best. After all, no one wants their friends to lie to them, just to spare their feelings. But, when honesty is only a clever way of putting you down, making you feel like you can't do anything right, or has you second guessing yourself every time you open your mouth, then that's not honesty, that's viciousness.
I've learned real quick who my friends are and who aren't my friends. I’m very cautious about who I make friends with these days, and even more careful about who I share my confidences with. Friends who get off on 'honesty' will shake your self-confidence and make you think it's your fault, because you just can't handle the truth...
So, speaking from experience here, I say this: If you have a friend who does this to you, then pats you on the back and says, "oh gee, i didn't mean to hurt your feelings, I guess I was just trying to be honest"...Dump them fast!! They are using the word 'honesty' just to be cruel to you. You don't deserve it!
my two cents on Honesty vs Viciousness.